There are certain events in Tamsin Calidas’s newly released memoir, I Am An Island, that almost defy belief. The story begins as Calidas, an Oxford graduate in her mid-thirties with a thriving career in media, convinces her husband to leave behind their Notting Hill existence and pour their life savings into a derelict croft in the Scottish Hebrides – despite having no experience whatsoever of raising sheep, or any ancestral connection to the islands. The landscape is Edenic, but the spectacular remoteness of the farm (along with their protracted struggle to conceive) ultimately contributes to the breakdown of their marriage – leaving Calidas tending to the croft alone, with two broken wrists; strained relationships with the territorial islanders; and no financial security whatsoever. What follows is a Wild-esque personal journey, but with an island replacing the Pacific Crest Trail.
It feels, for obvious reasons, like a particularly timely moment in which to release a narrative based around intense solitude – and the grace that can be found within it. “The narrative is really a testament to the will to survive – particularly the feminine will to survive,” she reflects over the phone from the croft shortly before the memoir’s release. “Visually the island works as a wonderful means of exploring a much deeper metaphor. How much is our emotional resilience shaped by the traditional structures and foundations around us? What do you do if those shatter and fall away?”
For Calidas personally, the answer came in the form of communing with nature. I Am an Island is as much a lyrical paean to the wild beauty of the Hebrides as anything else – with entire chapters devoted to its fragrant wildflowers and moody skies; lush valleys and imposing mountains. During a particularly low period after her husband’s departure, she finds solace in the ocean – waking before dawn every day for years to plunge into the ice-cold sea. (In one memorable passage, she makes her way out to seal-covered boulders a half-mile offshore in 2-degree weather, alone, and totally nude except for Neoprene socks and a pair of gloves.)
Fauna, too, is central to her ability to maintain her sanity throughout I Am an Island. There is her beloved sheepdog, Maude; a number of horses; and her retired flock, which she stopped taking to market to “give thanks for all of the life my sheep had given for me already”. That’s all before mentioning the wild animals, particularly birds, that she cares for devotedly. On the day I call her for this interview, she has just been presented with a nest of starlings by a friend, and has been raising them by hand ever since – even capturing insects to feed them. If much of I Am an Island focuses more or less obliquely on Calidas’s difficulty to have a child “naturally”, it also presents liberating (and deeply enriching) alternatives to conventional motherhood.
In many ways, it’s the joy that the many creatures around her have brought that has led her to establish fresh relationships after nearly a decade of solitude. “It’s strange, because after years of isolation, I had just begun to reconnect with the world at large – which I had been quite enjoying – and then lockdown began,” she explains, with a gentle laugh. “It’s a blessing that I’m well-equipped to live this way now, really. When you have tested yourself to such an extent, you are gifted with this sort of quietness… You understand your own resilience and strength in a different way. There’s less fear.”
As for what she hopes the world takes away from this surreal moment in history? “It would be nice if people are able to reconnect with the natural world, even if it’s only in a small way,” she muses. “We’re each born with so many potential narratives latent inside of us. Nature distills these potentialities… Being open to its lessons nourishes you on a deep level. It goes beyond spirituality, which as a concept I find quite limited. It’s really elemental. You can feel instinctively that you’re a part of the world listening to birdsong or watching the sky change. When you fully recognise that, life is more peaceful – and you learn how important it is to tread gently while you’re here.”
I Am An Island by Tamsin Calidas (Doubleday) is out in e-book and audiobook now, and available to pre-order in hardback.
I AM AN ISLAND - BESTSELLING REVIEWS
'An extraordinary book, a wild and redemptive account of reaching rock bottom and swimming back into the light. I'm awed by Tamsin's courage, her resilience and huge heart. Her island will stay with me for a very long time.' - Olivia Laing
'Calidas is a supple, sensuous writer - deeply empathetic ... Her account is shot through with moments of intense brightness.' - The Guardian
‘As in the case of Tara Westover’s Educated, it is impossible not to marvel at all the author has been through.’ - TLS
'The best book I have read in more than a decade. Each page is poetry. Tamsin's story is both heartbreaking and inspiring but ultimately about how the power of nature can heal. The perfect memoir for us all right now. Absolutely stunning. What an incredible woman.' - Susannah Constantine
‘An island tale like no other. An unforgettably moving & compulsive read, steeped in anguish & beauty.’ - Neil Ansell
'A wondrous, sensuous memoir of salt-stung survival... clear-eyed and poetic prose. Over and above everything else, I Am an Island is a hymn to the wild, full of fine observation of the natural world. A message that rings true for these testing times.' - The Sunday Times
